Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
