Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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