There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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