That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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