Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
