I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do herpes really smell.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
