what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
