we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
