Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
