you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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