I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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