What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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