God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
