You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
