you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
