I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
time to smoke my breakfast
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize