just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
