That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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