i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
