Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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