she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
