On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
