And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
