My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
