We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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