She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize