I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
