So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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