My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
