So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
