I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
