We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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