Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
