I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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