the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
