he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
