Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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