Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize