There was a lot of him and a little penis
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
