I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
