just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
