I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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