ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
