Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
