took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
