walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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