Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
