We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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