Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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