Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
