It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
