My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
