The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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