haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize