we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
