I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
