420 ftw
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize