lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
