I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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