I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
