eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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