You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
