I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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