3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
