y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
