If that was your dad, he is hot
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
