I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
