Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
