So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
