i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
