happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want nice things and good sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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