dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
