you guys were way drunker than both of me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
