I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
3pm strippers are depressing
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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