Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
