Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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