You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
